Writing through shame storms requires a spark of determination. Shame storms have a way of silencing us, especially when we are trying to write, be seen, and tell the truth about our lives.
If you are familiar with Brene Brown’s work, you’ve likely encountered her description of shame storms, the waves of vulnerability that can arise when we risk being seen. She shares about experiencing this as a blog writer. In Rising Strong, she writes that we may blow it privately in a small arena or publicly on a much larger stage. Either way, shame can make us want to retreat.
Several weeks ago I decided to begin sharing my story though a blog and Substack. My first posts focused on the vulnerability of stepping into the light as both a writer and a survivor.
Then something unexpected happened.
An internal shame storm rolled in and lingered for weeks.
This post is about that struggle with self-doubt, overwhelm, questions about authenticity, and uncertainty that surfaced as I began writing publicly.
Is Using AI Authentic Writing?
A decade-long healing journey began transitioning into writing confidence last year as I explored ways to support others in identity recovery and relational discipleship.
However prepared I may be in training and experience to help others, I’m not a marketing person. So, to learn how blogging works, I turned to AI and SEO. How do people get posts seen? I leaned heavily on AI at first for feedback and editing, but quickly learned some drawbacks. If you give AI too much freedom what it gives back is not your writing. It will be scrubbed of any authenticity unique to your voice and replaced with polished but generic content. As a new blogger, this was frustrating and conflicting. If I am writing about authenticity, how much optimization is too much? Should writers adapt themselves to algorithms, or should they focus on telling the truth in their own voice?
I have landed somewhere in the middle. AI is now helpful for titles, headings, and final SEO phrases.
Returning to Old Wounds
Another challenge emerged when I began retracing the healing journey steps, going through old journals, essays, and personal reflections.
Dan Allender often describes healing as “returning to the scene of the crime,” when we revisit painful experiences in order to understand and integrate them.
As I started reviewing writing, a cacophony of negative feelings surfaced. Not only that, it highlighted issues still present in a current relationship. Old grief, deep sadness and hopelessness came back into focus. What began as a writing project became another layer of healing work.
For a week I found myself wrestling with feelings I thought I had already moved through.
Healing happens in layers and I expect there will be many stops like this along the writing journey.
Managing the Overwhelm of Your Story
Many times over the years I have been asked to share my story for different purposes. Have you ever looked at the sheer volume of your life and wondered where to begin a life story?
I think of the movie Genius, where editor Maxwell Perkins works with novelist Thomas Wolfe and his sprawling manuscript. The challenge isn’t creating material, but knowing what to keep and how to shape it.
That’s how I feel when I look at years of journals, essays, and poems. How do you distill so much into something meaningful and helpful? What parts are relevant? Where do you begin?
While the abundance of material is a gift, it also feels overwhelming at times.
When Self-Doubt Returns
Part of this shame storm was fueled by rereading Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You, a book that profoundly influenced my healing journey. It is a book about developing maturity from infant to elder in healthy relationships. Within the first few chapters, in conjunction with the resurfacing grief, I was on struggle street myself. Old feelings of inadequacy cloaked my new found sense of confidence and purpose. It is a great book we all need, but the challenge is one I suddenly felt uncertainty about meeting.
Self-doubt has a way of convincing us that our struggles disqualify us from helping others. Perhaps the opposite is true. Perhaps our willingness to keep growing is what allows us to walk alongside others with compassion.
Encouraging Yourself
As I worked through these emotions, I began thinking about people I care about deeply:
- A mother desperate to see change in her adult children
- A friend supporting a spouse with mental illness
- Couples struggling in their marriages
- Families caught in the painful cycles of addiction and foster care
Life is full of challenges, disappointments, and unfinished stories. Everyone I know is dealing with difficulties.
Practicing gratitude and reflection helps restore balance to our perspectives.
We do the best we can to support and influence others for good, to inspire and point one another to a deeper love walk.
We are all on a journey, simply walking each other home.
Keep Writing Through Shame Storm
If you are facing your own shame storm, whether in writing, relationships or personal growth, please don’t let it convince you to quit.
Process what needs to be processed. Grieve what needs to be grieved. But keep moving forward.
I am learning that writing does not require me to be a marketing guru. AI will serve as a tool, not a substitute for my voice. I will focus on writing to express my thoughts and feelings about things that matter the most to me:
- Mentoring and discipleship
- Personal growth and identity
- Relational health and coaching
- Spiritual formation and healing
My goal is simply to:
- Help others grow in their relationships and personal development
- Strengthen their sense of identity and purpose
- Cultivate courage and compassion, faith, hope and love
- Build deeper connections with self, others, God, and the world around them.
And when the next shame storm arrives, as it inevitably will, I hope to keep writing anyway. Someone may need the story we are tempted to keep to ourselves.
If you are navigating shame storms or learning to write authentically, I would love to hear your story. My website is currently being updated and will soon have comments enabled. In the meantime, feel free to reach out by email.
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